Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Randomize
