ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Randomize
