i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
He kissed a someone with a penis
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
