Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
