the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
