I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
