So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
