he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
