last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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