So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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