I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize
