I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
