Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
