If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize