i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
They took my balls.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Randomize
