Just cropdusted the office
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
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