he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
