Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
