I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
