you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
