I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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