i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
