Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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