Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
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