I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
