do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
