she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
