Midget sex pt 2 tonight
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
