I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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