R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
You can't just leave with hair like that
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
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