I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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