so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
