She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I can tuck mytits in my pants
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Randomize
