White coat. Heels.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize