k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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