A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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