So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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