Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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