I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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