you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
