Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
