we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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