You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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