Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize