don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
