I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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