i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
worst night to have a conscience
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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