how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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