beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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