if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
