Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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