He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Randomize
