rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
