Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
