I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
