when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
