I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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