We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
