That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Randomize
