hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize