Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
