I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
