I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
