There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
