.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
