she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
