At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Randomize
