They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
