I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Randomize
