You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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