Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
