We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Randomize
