I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
