Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
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