WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
