if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
