my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
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