Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I don't deserve a penis
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Randomize
