can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
