Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
