the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I FOUND THE LEGS
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize