i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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