So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize