My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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