eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I want a musical about memes.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
