i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
