If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
